For some months, little D. has been fascinated by the Buddhist Himalaya region. That means Nepal, Tibet, the North of India and Bhutan. She already has read some books about these far away countries. And since it is not easy to find books about the current political situation of Bhutan (which is so interesting because Bhutan wants to become a democracy now, the monarch already has introduced a new constitution, but this will be something for another post), she has to rely on online sources. And one fantastic source is the Kuensel. I am sure you have never heard of it before. Neither did we until a few weeks ago. The Kuensel is one of the three newspapers of the Kingdom of Bhutan. It was formerly linked to the government, but since 1992 it is independent. On the Kuensel-website you can find out a lot about the happenings in Bhutan and there is an active discussion forum as well.
Anyway, we wanted to tell you about a heartwarming story found in the Kuensel.
Anyway, we wanted to tell you about a heartwarming story found in the Kuensel.
In a region in Bhutan (called lower Kheng of Zhemgang dzongkhag) it is tradition that the groom has to work for three years in the house of his parents-in-law as a magpa (which means husband in other regions in Bhutan, but in our region here it is the term used to describe the time period served by a prospective groom for his bride). Not enough. The groom's parents have to provide a kind of marriage portion as well. This means: to fatten three pigs, an ox, store 30 kg of red rice, 30 kg of kharang (whatever this is), about 50 l of alcohol, a few kg of butter and about 10 balls of cheese. (Enough for the wedding party which usually lasts 3 days.)
It is interesting that the groom has to pay a price, whereas in Europe in earlier times, the bride had do provide a marriage portion.
The Bhutanese journalist Tashi Dema tells the story of Ap Fishy, who is now 70. His parents were very poor. They could not provide the requested aliment. So he served 18 years as a magpa before he could marry his wife. Now he is married over 30 years and has three kids. Ap Fishy wants to keep this tradition alive. "A simple feast would do but he [the groom] must work for three years as I've got to see if he deserves my daughter", he said.
It is interesting that the groom has to pay a price, whereas in Europe in earlier times, the bride had do provide a marriage portion.
The Bhutanese journalist Tashi Dema tells the story of Ap Fishy, who is now 70. His parents were very poor. They could not provide the requested aliment. So he served 18 years as a magpa before he could marry his wife. Now he is married over 30 years and has three kids. Ap Fishy wants to keep this tradition alive. "A simple feast would do but he [the groom] must work for three years as I've got to see if he deserves my daughter", he said.
4 comments:
This is very interesting!
Just the idea that my parents would not allow me to marry the person of my choice is so foreign to me. Let alone this sort of thing where the groom has work so hard and 'earn' the right to marry the girl. Fascinating.
Have you any idea of the great good this would do to the divorce rate if this practice where in place in other counties. One would certainly get to know the other person in question during that three years.
None of my children are married as of yet, but I have told them I don't care what their spouse looks like, even how much money they make, but it is very important to me that they have good morals and a great work ethic. This groom to be seems to have both.
In southern Africa, where I come from, the groom does have to tender what is in English referred to as a bride price, but is in fact intended to be a token. It is a means of building relations between the two families before the actual marriage. Even if a woman never has a registry marriage, she must have this customary marriage in order to be accepted at family level as a wife. Traditionally, livestock, clothes and some cash sufficed, but now with the advent of technology you even get requests for mobile phones! The custom has its plus and downsides. Plus: you are integrated into your husband's family from the start. Extended family provides a valued support network. Plus: going through the 'negotiation' and payment process is a man's way of showing respect and commitment to his wife. Paradox: for most families it is an insult for the groom to pay it all in one go, as it implies that he is done with them or (Heaven forbid!) they have undervalued their daughter. Most of the roora/lobola is tendered pre-marriage, and then the balance remains outstanding indefinitely (there are couples in retirement where the husband still owes some of it). So serving time at one's in-laws as in Bhutan would not be an option!
Downside: it encourages some men to see women as property amd expect unquestioning submission to their decisions. Downside: it makes some parents greedy and over-demanding, which in turn puts guys off getting married. A lot of the meaning underlying the practice has been lost in heated arguments and debates over this, which is a great shame.
Thank you, bcm, for this interesting comment!
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